Living Under Audit: Perfectionism, Gender, and the Body’s Vigilance

Perfectionism is a complex, historically rooted, psychosomatic, and relational phenomenon that shapes how people experience safety, identity, and worth. It touches women and men alike, yet often navigates gendered expectations for performance, care, leadership, and emotional expression. Many perfectionists don’t call themselves perfectionists. They call themselves disciplined, responsible, or simply trying to do what’s right. But beneath these labels lies a relentless drive—a quiet, lifelong audit of every action, word, and feeling. Perfectionism isn’t just about high standards; it’s a posture the body adopts, a breath held tight, a jaw clenched against invisible fears. This article uncovers how perfectionism is woven through our thoughts, relationships, and even our muscles—shaped by gendered expectations and rewarded by a culture that sees flawlessness as virtue. The cost? A life lived at a distance from joy, spontaneity, and the possibility of being imperfect—and still enough.