The Myth of Self-Regulation: From Isolation to Co-Regulation

For decades, psychology and self-help culture have championed the ideal of self-regulation as a mark of maturity and resilience. The individual who can “stay calm,” “manage their emotions,” and “control their reactions” is often celebrated as psychologically advanced. Yet viewed through the lens of relational neuroscience and the body’s lived experience, this notion reveals itself as partial at best. At its core lies a misunderstanding of human neurobiology. Self-regulation, when severed from co- and eco-regulation, becomes not a sign of strength but of disconnection. Our nervous system was never designed to thrive in isolation. Read on to explore why and how we are wired for connection.